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Hi Everyone!


Please join me as I continue to write my stories and blogs under the new name.  

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Blessings,

Bobbie

© Robynn “Bobbie” Dinse / Bobbie’s World Blogs

Please note that this short story is copyrighted and should not be reprinted in any form without permission from the author

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Thank you!

A Special Tribute - A Letter to My Mom

Vol. 2, Issue 1

To My Readers….This is a very special letter written to my mother on the anniversary of her death.  It is filled with memories that are very personal to me.  I hesitated to put this out on the board because it is very personal and contains a lot of raw emotion.  At some point in time, we all must say goodbye to a parent or a loved one who goes before us to Glory.   So I decided to publish it anyway.  Perhaps by sharing  this letter and the feelings that can come from the long separation death brings, I could possibly help others who are grieving the loss of one they love.  I hope that as you read this, you will see the love and bond that we shared.  I thank you for your time!

Hi Mom,

I've been thinking about you so much the last few months. I always do at this time of year. It's so hard to believe that it has been 17 years since I last saw your face, hugged you, or smelled the perfume that you love to wear.  It was always the Avon perfume;  MoonWind.  I use to love the little bottles that were package in a solid tube form, like a lipstick.  You would let me have the empty ones because I liked playing with them. Do you remember? I thought they looked like jeannie bottles and my favorite show at the time was I Dream of Jeannie!

I tell myself every year that I can handle this month, I'll get through it no problems, it will be easier, but I just find that I lie to myself.  So instead of fighting it this year, I'm going to honor you and just write to you like you are sitting here beside me having a conversation.  

I never realized that one of the things I would miss the most was the feeling and touch of your hands. What they look like and how soft they were, regardless of your constant need to use them to get around in your wheelchair.  They always smelled like Rose Milk hand lotion. I also remember how you spent hours braiding my hair.  You always used that ugly green comb and a Tupperwear glass full of water to wet it down.  OH YES., let’s not forget the “No More Tears” from Johnson & Johnson.  We both remember how well that stuff worked on my hair!  My hair was all the way down to my backside! I remember sitting there for hours on a small stool and a pillow, but you know something?  I secretly enjoyed it.  Even though sometimes you pulled so tight I though my eyebrows would stay in that position!  But especially in the summer when I went swimming every day, it was easier to take care of.  I don't know if I ever told you that I enjoyed our time doing girl things.  I was too little to appreciate it back then.

Mom, you died so suddenly and there was so much more I wanted to say, but I just didn't get that chance.  In my heart I know that you understand, you're waiting on me and taking care of the family that went before me.  I close my eyes and picture you in my mind, holding my baby girl that never made it into this world.  I can't wait to see you again and to see little Rebecca Dorene.

I loved spending time with you; especially our trip to Texas that special summer when I was about 11.  I enjoyed listening to you tell me stories about your horse, Buster.  You had all these adventures with him when you were a little girl. You use to tell me stories about your brothers and sisters growing up on the ranch in Nebraska. You just loved Buster and I know that when you developed polio at 13, it broke your heart to be separated from your family and to no longer have the use of your legs.  It never stopped you from smiling though and I can prove that!  I still have your high school yearbook!  You were so loved by everyone around you. .My favorite picture in it is of you as Valentine's Day Sweetheart. Regardless of the loss of the use of your legs, you never lost your ability to love others and LIVE!

Making the Christmas pies - a family tradition that even my boys have learned!

You most certainly loved your daughters. Even though we aren't close as sisters, we were placed with you and dad by God, not by the adoption agency;  at least not in my mind.  You and dad did nurture something precious in us. You brought us up to know Jesus. "Prov. 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Little did I know that this would be your greatest gift to your daughters, to know God's Word and to know our Savior. But this wasn't the only gift you gave to us. Just by your example, you taught me acceptance and unconditional love for others.  No matter what a person looked like, you taught me to look deeper, much deeper. Deep into the heart and soul of a person. You taught me to ask myself, what are they like within their heart?  How do they treat those around them?  What they look like on the outside does not matter.  Neither did the amount of money in their pocketbook.

Mom, today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, I don't know if it is a coincidence that it falls on the anniversary of your death or not.  I developed FMS after I had a bad accident 10 years after you died. While your disability was visible to the world, mine is hidden away unless I tell others about what happens to me.  You see, without knowing it, by your example you raised me to fight my illness and so did dad.  I'm not ashamed that I get sick sometimes, but rather I'm proud that regardless of this disease, I fight it hard and I think that is why so many don't realize I'm ill. I may have this disease, but it does not define WHO I AM.   Polio did not define you, dad's spinal injury did not define him, they made you both stronger individuals because you overcame so much.  For me, my FMS made me want my dreams more, so I fought even harder once I became ill to reach those goals and make the dreams come true. It is very appropriate that FMS Awareness Day and your date of death fall upon the same day.

I can remember you being with me when I was 16 years old. I had major surgery and lost one of my ovaries. You were there.  You were always there. You sat in the waiting room for hours and worried.  Due to the size of the tumor, the surgery took much longer than expected.  You were exhausted and scared.  At least that's what the nurses told me later on. When I came back to my room I didn't remember much, I would wake up and get terribly sick, then pass back out.  Do you know what I do remember?  I can still hear your soft, comforting voice clear as a bell and sometimes I think I can still feel the touch of your hands on my face and forehead. All night long you cared for me from your wheelchair.  You constantly placed cool hand towels on my face and forehead.  You wouldn't leave my side.  You had school that night, and exams to take.  You were recovering from the divorce, going to school after staying at home with my sister and I for 18 years.  Your life had been turned upside down.  Regardless, you still stayed with me, you just couldn't go and leave me alone and so very sick.  You were the first person I asked for in recovery after the surgery, and the surgeries that followed in the years to come.

You were there when I graduated, got married, when I had the second surgery in hopes of getting pregnant. You were there when I miscarried, rejoiced with me when my two boys were born and then baptized and you cried with me when I lost my marriage. During all the important times, you were always there, just a phone call away.

You couldn't walk, you were confined to that wheelchair. But you were such a big part of my life, you were a part of me. You still are a part of me. I will always remember the smell of that perfume, hand lotion and the touch of your hands.  They were still soft, but had a few calluses from pushing your wheelchair for 40 years (like the callus on your left forefinger, middle knuckle).  Funny the details we remember isn’t it?

I was devastated that you died alone, Mom.  If I had known you were sick that morning, I would have come over right away.  I know you must have been trying to call me, the phone was right there beside you off the hook.  I felt so much guilt for years, but now I know that it was just your time.  God wanted you to come home and be with Him.  Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for you, too.  You had fought life and your disability long and hard and it was time for you to be with Jesus.  He stopped all your pain and suffering and all your fears about the future in that moment. He even restored your broken body!  In time I learned to accept that we may be apart for a long time, but we will share eternity together.   We have so much to catch up on. When my time comes, we will all sit together and talk about the things we missed while we were apart. Although, something tells me you already know a lot of what is going on in my life!

Right after you passed, I found out I was pregnant again.  Can you believe it?  Wow it was such a miracle!  Three weeks to the date "surprise" I discovered I was pregnant.  Even though the doctors said it could never, ever happen again. After the miscarriage they figured my first son was luck, my second son a miracle;  but  4 1/2 years later to have the third son?  Well, let's just say I believe that God felt I needed something beautiful and full of life. He gave me something (someone) fresh and new to look forward to after losing such a huge part of my life when you were called Home. You will really love him, Mom.  He's something special.  All of the boys are something special. They have grown up in the faith, strong, kind and loving.  Each child is a part of me, but each child totally unique and individual. They are so close to one another. Something I prayed that they would have to cherish and something that God has seen fit to provide for them.

I've been sad at times to see so many other people who still have their parents. They are even older than me and some don't realize what they have. But I'm doing my best to appreciate what I have and be happy. While the older boys remember and love you, I've had to be content to tell Peyton all about you.  I know he loves you, too.  I've shared stories that you shared with me and done my best to keep your memory alive in some way for all of them.  They all three still have the special bears that you bought when they were born.   I bought one for Peyton for you since you could not be here.

Well Mom, I just wanted you to know that I love you with all of my heart and that many of my dreams have come true. Even though I have this horrid disease, I finally got my own horse, two, actually. They keep me happy, active and healthy. Your youngest grandson loves them as much as his mom, so the second horse came along about 2 years ago. Your grandson is on a National Championship Drill team. Brandon is going to be a teacher,  Curtis is going to be a police officer and hopefully someday, a detective. You would be so proud of them! I'm sure that if God let's you look down from heaven from time to time to see special days, you would burst with joy!

So mom, while today we try to educate the world about this unseeen illness that can ruin lives, I want to honor and celebrate your life as well. Because between you and Dad, you both taught me that in the face of disability, pain, and tribulations, we are survivors. We fight it, we go on and chase the dreams we have. Fibromyalgia has not and will not ruin my life. I won't give it permission. It has actually pushed me to fight harder for my dreams and you and dad are the two best examples a daughter could ever have!

So keep the tea kettle warm for me!  When my time comes (although it may be awhile) we have a lot to catch up on!  I'm so glad that you have not had to suffer. I know that you were in a lot of pain,  I know that you were very weak from the post-polio syndrome. God is gracious and wise and I'm so thankful he spared you any further worry or agony. I get great comfort knowing that you are in paradise. I think of you holding Rebecca each time I see a rainbow in the sky and I know that someday, I'll see all of you again and I will also be in the arms of my loving Savior. In the meantime I will remember what you taught me and what is in God's Word, "that with Him, all things are possible.

I love you, Mom.

Always,

Your Daughter

(Bobbie)

© Robynn “Bobbie” Dinse / Bobbie’s World Blogs

Please note that this short story is copyrighted and should not be reprinted in any form without permission from the author

Feel free to link to "Bobbie's World Blogs"

Thank you!

The “Merry Christmas” Plan

Original Written:   Dec. 6, 2009

Vol. 1, Issue 10

Hello Everyone and Merry Christmas to You All! 

I wanted to share something special with you. It was something that I did with my boys one Christmas. We called it "The Plan" and it gave us so much joy and taught our kids a valuable lesson about giving selflessly. I'm telling you this now because I thought maybe you would be able to do the same with your kids and get the same joy in return! 

There have been times in my life's journey when God sent people in my path to help my family and me.  Sometimes this was in the form of financial support, prayer, friendship or some other special way.  It always happened just when I was at the end of my rope and needed God's help. Sometimes they were people I never knew.  But, it was clear to me that whatever assistance was being given; the timing was unmistakably God's hand moving people to where they needed to be so He could help me in His divine way.

One year when we were blessed to have a little extra money.  I was working at a place where I knew of a family who was going to have an extremely slim Christmas.  The family consisted of a single mom who was the victim of a traumatic injury and was raising a child on her own.  Something about this family touched my heart and I wanted to do something special for them.  I also wanted to teach my sons about doing things for others without expecting anything in return.  We got together and devised "The Plan." 

Now there were a few rules to follow in accomplishing “The Plan.”  I'm technically breaking one of those rules now, but after all these years, I think the boys understood the lesson.  My motivation is to pass on what we learned, not to pat myself on the back in any way. Perhaps my story will inspire someone else who reads this. So here is the story that I lovingly refer to as: 

† ♥ THE PLAN ♥ †

† Step #1                  For the plan to work, the boys would have to agree to tell NO ONE what we did. Not even their friends at school. It was not to leave our family. If they did, then that meant the secret would be out and all of a sudden what we did for someone else became more about us and less about the family in need.

† Step #2          We took ourselves to the store and spent what we could afford. We purchased a few gifts for the child, some clothing, and much needed cash for the single mom, along with a card that we carefully selected.  The card was filled with encouragement and scripture of God's promise to care for us in times of trouble.  We signed the card "May God Watch Over You! Merry Christmas from A Family Who Cares"

† Step #3     I instructed the boys that to deliver the gifts, we would need to park in the street next door to the "target" house. It was only the mom and son at home. I couldn't take the chance of being recognized, so my two older boys (who were about nine and ten at the time) would be making the delivery. So we drove to our target. During that drive we spoke of the joys of giving to others who were less fortunate and also we spoke about Matthew 6 vs. 3-4a "But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing that your charitable deed may be done in secret...". In other words, let our good works be done in secret before the Lord.  Not to bring glory to ourselves, but to bring glory to the Lord.  I wanted them to learn early on that giving to others in need is the same as giving an offering to the Lord.  We don't glorify ourselves or boast about it.  By not allowing them to tell anyone, including their friends, they would always have that knowledge in their hearts.

† Step #4          When we arrived, we positioned the car so I could see them, but whoever answered the door wouldn't be able to see the car as we made our "getaway". The boys then took the gifts and the card with the cash, rang the bell and handed it to the little boy who answered the door.  They hollered "Merry Christmas" and took off running back to me and we left before they could see who we really were. 

To this day I will never forget the smiles on the faces of MY children!  They were grinning from ear to ear!  The family had no idea who we might be, where we came from or how we heard about their situation.  They still don't to this day, I'm most certain of it. But they have blessed my boys and me richly. 

Every year at about this time, I remember what we did together that Christmas.  It was such a blessing to my children and me.  It was our little secret to keep!  So now our secret is out to share with you in hopes that perhaps you may be inspired somehow to do something similar with your child or children this season.  It doesn't have to be big, elaborate, or fancy.  But making “The Plan” anonymous, and keeping all glory and focus on the Lord in turn blessed us in ways that we did not expect. 

My blessing was the joy in my heart that my children had learned the gift of giving to others without the need of personal recognition. Knowing that the Lord had given us more than we needed that year was another blessing.  We were even more grateful to be able to share what He had given to us with others.

So as people scurry around this year and fulfill their Christmas shopping lists, let's not forget the greatest gift of all. The small Babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes and laying in a manager. Jesus Christ, God's greatest gift for ALL of mankind.

Merry Christmas to you all and may you be blessed this holiday season!

Bobbie 

© Robynn “Bobbie” Dinse / Bobbie’s World Blogs

Please note that this short story is copyrighted and should not be reprinted in any form without permission from the author

Feel free to link to "Bobbie's World Blogs"

Thank you!

Life Doesn't End When You Have A Disability

Originally Written:  May 31, 2009

Vol. 1, Issue 2

Hi Everybody,

Today I wanted to share with you how my evening went.  Tonight we had youth team drill practice.  We have a rodeo coming up this weekend and Nationals are coming up the end of June.  I managed to stay on the horse and actually remembered all of the different moves in the drill.  Needless to say I had a wonderful time and for a few hours forgot all about this horrible disease.

As you know, I suffer from severe Fibromyalgia.  I have good days and I have bad days.  Today was one of those good days.  You couldn't tell the difference between a healthy person walking down the street or me!  My passion since I was a little girl has always been horses.  When I was young I collected the Breyer model horses because mom refused to let me put a pony in the back yard.  Go figure!

Anyway, my son and I ride with a local drill team.  Since my disease is so severe, I cannot ride on the drill team with the rest of the ladies.  On good days I can ride in the parades and I can help out with ground support during competitions and rodeos.  Where am I going with this?  Well, since 2005 I've been trying to control my horse at a lope and still be able to walk the next day.  I've managed to accomplish one of the two...guess which one!  Unfortunately, it’s only during the warm season and only on days that my Fibromyalgia is in agreement.   You all know that FMS has a mind of it’s own and what it decides to do ALWAYS takes lead role.

This year I have been asked to ride with the novice youth team in their competition this June.  I was elated but cautiously optimistic.  After explaining that there was a significant need to have a back up, just in case I was too weak on the day I needed to ride, I was told "No problem"!   So, my life long dream may finally be coming true.  Not only do I own a horse, I may actually be able to ride with the team in the drill.  I will be filling in this weekend at a rodeo, since there are 3 riders that cannot attend.  My first real live performance!  I'm both excited and terrified at the same time.  I'm sure I will be sore afterwards, but the more I ride, the less severe the pain is afterward.

It is very exciting for me and I hope that I can give others with this terrible disease hope that if they can find the right mix of medication and therapy, there lives don't have to be over.

I'm 41 years old.  I refuse to let this disease end my hopes and dreams.  Just because I may have to slow down and rest, I still have the God given right to dream and strive to reach the goals I have set for myself.

Have a blessed week everyone.  Remember to be thankful for your health.  We all don't have healthy strong bodies to lean on and even the strongest of people can have their health removed from them with one doctor’s visit.  Don’t waste your good days!   Rejoice in every day that you have and get out in the world and see God’s beauty!  It’s all around you.  All you have to do is open your eyes and your hearts and you will see the blessings that are there for you!

Bobbie

© Robynn “Bobbie” Dinse / Bobbie’s World Blogs

Please note that this short story is copyrighted and should not be reprinted in any form without permission from the author

Feel free to link to “Bobbie’s World Blog’s” 

                 

Thank you!