Originally Written: June 7, 2009
Vol. 1, Issue 4
Good Day, Friends!
Today I’m touching on a couple of different topics that surround FMS.
2. People who respond to our illness in cruel and insensitive ways.
We have all encountered people that say horrible insensitive things because they don’t, understand or believe that you have a serious illness. Some of these people may even be in our own family. They probably think “We look normal on the outside so how can we possibly be so sick that we need to be bedridden?” Or, “How can you possibly be unable to work? You say you are in pain, but we can’t see it so how can it be real?”
To us it is very real. Sometimes our pain is so bad we can’t think clearly or even get out of bed. The question these people constantly ask is, “How can we be fine one day and on the verge of hospitalization the next?”
For us it is very simple. We suffer, most often in silence, because it is easier to keep it to ourselves than it is to explain our struggles, pain and loss, just to have someone respond insensitively.
One of my biggest obstacles with FMS and migraines (my other major disabling condition) is not being able to schedule things in advance. I can never be certain that I won’t have to cancel at the last minute because of a flare or a migraine. I know that we all have been in this circumstance and it can be very frustrating. Especially if the person you are canceling on doesn’t understand your situation.
There have been times that I’ve rescheduled appointments more times than I can count. Now, if I cancel on my headache specialist? No problem. Cancel on my pain specialist? Again, there is no problem. It’s to be expected. Neither of my doctors want me to drive during a migraine or while I’m taking medication for breakthrough pain.
My biggest problem is always with the dentist. Dental appointments 9 times out of 10 trigger a bad migraine for me. All that buzzing around in my mouth or even just a routine cleaning sends me home sick. Many times just the anticipation causes enough stress to trigger a migraine, resulting in another rescheduled appointment. Of course they don’t get to see me with my head in the toilet so to them it just a bunch of drama to get out of keeping my appointment.
My last dentist had what I called the appointment Nazi’s. They called over and over and over and over to reschedule. If I had a morning appointment and had to cancel, they said, “Well why don’t you come in this afternoon?” Okay people. Most of us with severe chronic migraines know that you’re pretty much worthless for 24 hours AFTER the headache breaks. At least I am. My triptan makes me feel like I’ve run a marathon and the last thing I feel like doing is getting up, taking a shower and going to have some person dig around in my mouth, just to start the headache back up again.
These young girls just didn’t get it. No matter how many times and ways I tried to forewarn or explain. My last appointment I had to cancel they had the audacity to tell me to either come in or find someone to fill my appointment. I was furious. My husband was also outraged and he came home from work, picked me up, we went into the dentist’s office so they could see just how sick I was. My husband then proceeded to tell them they could go pound sand before they would EVER treat anyone in our family again. They lost four patients that day. The dentist, which I had seen since the age of 12, apologized profusely and said that I could just call on a day where I felt up to it and they would fit me in. I thought that sounded like a great plan. So we headed home, all the while I was struggling to keep the contents of my stomach IN my stomach. I assumed we had reached an agreement, although my husband stood firm that he and the boys would never go back to that clinic again.
A few days later I received a letter in the mail saying that they had the highest standard of care for their patients and because of this they were dropping me as a patient. HUH? What was that suppose to mean? Some poor little appointment clerk probably got a firm talking to and when I didn’t call within 3 days, she decided I could care less about my teeth and that I was not “good enough” for their practice. So, in total, the clinic lost a total of 5 patients in 3 days time due to one appointment clerk’s behavior. The dentist doesn’t get a pass either; after all, he signed the letter.
To this day I regret not responding to that letter. I was so upset that I was afraid I would get into a screaming match that would result in me needing to ask for forgiveness on many levels. So I let it go. I will not mention his name. I firmly believe I would be wrong to do so, as it would violate my Christian principles. The Bible says, “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”
We all have to struggle with feeling semi-normal one day, then the next like we are near death. I try not to schedule morning appointments if possible because that tends to be the hardest part of my day; it is for most FMS patients. I don’t make commitments to serve on the board of my drill team; I always make sure there is a backup for any drill position I may ride…which only started this year [2009]. I have learned that I must “come out of the closet” so to speak and tell my friends that I have this disease. Some of them get it, some of them don’t. But that is their problem, not mine. It goes to their character and anyone who chooses to elevate themselves above another people on the basis of health is discriminatory and cruel. I know, those are strong words, even judgmental. God tells us “Judge not lest ye be judged.” But, we can see a person’s actions and if those actions fly in the face of God’s command to love one another, I think a little extra caution is advisable before opening your heart to someone like that.
My friends keep up the fight. Defend your right to be treated like a human being even though you fight this terrible disease. Remember never to give up your dreams, and never, EVER let someone else make you think less of who you are because of Fibromyalgia or any other invisible illness.
Have a blessed week!
Bobbie
Bobbie
© Robynn “Bobbie” Dinse / Bobbie’s World Blogs
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